Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
