this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
