I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
