I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize