dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
