Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
