just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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