JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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