You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
