you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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