Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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