Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
