So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
