Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
