I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
