My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
