before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
