am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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