I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize