i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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