this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
