just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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