the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
