I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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