I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i need some magic done to my vagina
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
