I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
