So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
