i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
