Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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