She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
