just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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