try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
