I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
