Dual....:-)
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
