Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
