Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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