I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
