We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
