You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
