As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
