Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize