ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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