My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
