you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
