I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
