I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
