I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
