And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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