We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
