there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
why is half of my head shaved?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
