There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
