Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize