This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
