She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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