i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
