I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
