saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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