he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
