she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize