He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
