dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
