oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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