dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
