just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
