u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize