I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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