her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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